Hope things get betterMon, 01/03/2022 - 10:36PM
I’ve had congestive heart failure since 2015 and had a heart attack 2015 at the age of 35. I received an ICD also in 2015. I had an lvad put in on August 13, 2021. For a year prior to getting my VAD I was in and out of the hospital. Around Christmas 2020 I was in the hospital with a heart rate of around 150 for two weeks. I went into cardiogenic shock twice. Since then I’ve nearly died and been shocked by the diffibrillator so many times I’ve lost count. I know I have many more lives than a cat. After all of this I was told I had end phase heart failure but was too fat for lvad. So from February 2020 to August 2020 I lost 100 pounds. When I got my lvad it was on the spot because I was on my way out. The doctor said I wouldn’t leave the hospital without it because I’d be dead. I consider myself extremely blessed to have made it through all of this, however, since all of this on top of my lung collapsing twice weeks after the VAD surgery, regaining 20 pounds of what I’d lost, and being shocked 10 times in the past month I’ve become extremely depressed. I’m sick mentally. I guess it hit me all at once. I walk around crying a lot for no reason. I’ve never felt this way. As thankful as I am to be alive I’m equally depressed about how my life has turned out. I was once an electrician that made a great living working for sub contractors in power distribution plants. Now I feel completely useless and a burden to my wife. Sometimes I regret still being here. I guess none of what I say makes since beings I’m thankful to be alive still.
Alright that’s enough being vocal about my own sorrows. I know many people have it a lot worse than me and I have no right at all to feel this way. May the lord Jesus Christ bless you all. Thanks to anyone that took the time to read this depressing garbage.